New Pathways toward Understanding Self-in-Relation: Anzaldúan (Re)Visions for Developmental Psychology

When I was very young, maybe three or four, I began having a recurring dream that my spirit body left my physical body, floated toward the ceiling, and flew. I’d fly around the house from room to room, like a bird, although the whole time I sensed that I was being carried. While I felt completely under the control of something other than myself, I had no fear. I also remember, as a child, a recurring sensation of someone tapping me gently on my back. The presence was strong, wise, and female. I did not dare turn around, but I also knew that there really wasn’t “someone” there—not someone in the traditional sense anyway. Although I never mentioned them, these experiences were real to me then. Somewhere along the way the strong presence left me, and I stopped flying. So I grew up in the interface trying not to give countenance to el mal aigre, evil nonhuman, non-corporeal entities riding the wind, that could come through the window, through my nose with my breath. I was not supposed to believe in susto, a sudden shock or fall that frightens the soul out of the body.